Yep, just like they say in all those movies on the topic of relationships, ya gotta be a good listener. What they don’t tell you is that you should be listening to yourself.
I’m not suggesting to ignore others. I’m simply saying it’s about time that you started paying attention and listen to what you are saying. Start doing this and you will be in for quite a shock.
Just in case it isn’t totally clear, “listen to yourself” is not an euphemism for take your own advice, or be your own boss. I mean actually listen to what you are saying. And not just listen; listen with the same intensity to detail that Sherlock Holmes would bring to it.
When you do this, you’ll find that you can hear in your voice when become ingenuous. You will hear the lie upon your own lips. As that happens, take a quick turn and get back to the truth.
Another thing you might notice, is that you know a heck of a lot more than you give yourself credit for. You’ll find yourself blurting out the truth about situations. You’ll also hear yourself blurting out half-truths about situations. When that happens, pause, backup and try to find the fuller truth. For example:
“Dam, that angers the hell out of me.” — nah, it doesn’t really ‘anger’ me so much as…hmmm…. annoy? nah, … ah, frustrate, that’s what it does it frustrates me, thus changing your declaration to — “That frustrates the hell of out me.” Seems about the same, but is most definitely quite different. Does that mean being frustrates is better than being angry? No. It simply means that knowing the fuller truth about you is better. The moment you recognize that you are frustrated rather than angry it opens the door to the question: “what about this is frustrating?” Which leads to a mini inner conversation: Well, cause he’s always getting all the breaks. All? All the breaks? Get a grip. You know that’s an exaggeration. Well, he gets more breaks. How many more? Well, some more. So you’re gonna allow someone else getting a few more breaks to frustrate you? Laugh… Yeah I guess so.
Does this mean that we should be psychoanalyzing our selves? No, it’s just that you can’t deal with what you don’t see. It’s like trying to clean a baking dish without being able to see or feel the bits of baked on crud.
Does this mean that we should be trying to clean ourselves like a baking dish? No. Enough with the endless hunt for rigid rules of conduct. Just start to pay attention to yourself. Actually see who you are for awhile. Then worry about sorting out what to do (if anything) about that.